Angels, Demons, and Paperwork (Oh My!)
by FanfictionIsAWayOfLife
Summary: The Final Battle has begun, only to come to a screeching halt once Lord Voldemort comes to a startling realization: Marie and he have paperwork to do. Millennia's worth of it for that procrastinating angel, and only a few centuries' worth for him (a demon). Just a fanfic of weirdness that explores my fascination of Tom and paperwork. Slight fem!Harry (Marie) x Tom Riddle


A/N: This popped into my head about a year ago. Simply more randomness I wrote for you to read. And what's with my fascination of Tom doing paperwork? XD fem!Harry Potter (Marie) x Tom Riddle

Curses flew through the air, colors surrounding every witch and wizard on the battlefield. Hogwarts grounds was still intact, as well as the ancient castle itself, but the frenzy of the fighting was reaching its peak. The battle between Light and Dark, the Order of the Phoenix and the Death Eaters, was at epic proportions, with hundreds of people from all over Britain supporting each side. Many were injured but few had been killed so far, thankfully. All fighting ceased once Marie Potter, right hand woman of the great Albus Dumbledore, stepped into the line of sight of the Darkest Lord of the Era. Her face was set in blank indifference, green eyes neither showing fear nor any other emotion. This disturbed some warriors on both sides. The Dark Lord Voldemort, on the other hand, looked bored out of his mind. This also disturbed many people, and frightened a great deal more, because a bored Dark Lord meant a curse-happy Dark Lord.

"Voldemort," the young witch said, gaining his attention, "I am ready. Let us duel." Marie had her holly phoenix feather wand out, indeed ready for the upcoming duel, which may or may not be her last in this life. He raised an eyebrow at her sheer audacity, boredom beginning to fade, crimson eyes sparking with interest.

"Then let us duel, child. And now, we bow," he said, as the crowds parted, giving them both plenty of room. Several shielding spells were cast by the spectators over themselves just in case a stray spell were to hit. As the fated enemies bowed, neither took their eyes off the other, just in case one decided to be dishonorable. But they each had too much pride for that, and so the duel began.

At first, they started slow, circling each other and firing a low-level spell or curse every now and then. The curses gradually increased in intensity and in volume, and more shielding spells were cast because of hexes that were unable to be dodged in time. The two nemeses threw taunts at each other as well, both trying to get the other to slip up and provide an opportunity for a heavy blow.

"I think you're getting too old for this, Tom, you haven't landed a single hit on me yet! _Stupefy! Bombarda Maxima! Protego!_ "

"Stupid brat, I am using a strategy I learned in Peru! It is superior to any you can come up with! _Alarte Ascendare! Confringo!_ "

"Peru? What, did you learn it from an alpaca farmer? _Defodio!_ He must have been just as crazy as you."

"Insolent child! _Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!_ " he shouted vehemently. Well, to hell with that strategy. She just _had_ to ruin his plan like always. With her pretty green eyes sparkling at him, taunting him. He swore the brat's one purpose in life was to ruin his. Her constant interference made completing his Dark Lord paperwork hard-wait. Paperwork. Realizing something very important, the Dark Lord called for a temporary time-out. Marie was definitely confused, as well as the mass of people surrounding them, because the Dark Lord Voldemort had never done such a thing before. She walked up to him, wand lowered, and asked what could possibly get him to stop their duel. It was a very important duel to stop, too.

"Paperwork," was all he said. Her face was uncomprehending for a second, before realization dawned, and an expression of pure horror came over her. Lord Voldemort just nodded solemnly. The crowd was even more confused now, because what had paperwork to do with the Final Battle? Political views were shoved aside for a moment as each witch and wizard turned to each other and asked what they thought was going on. Marie did not speak for several moments, until she felt the need to confirm her fears to make sure they were true.

"We have paperwork to do, Tom," she said, with him tersely nodding a second time, "Many millennia's worth of paperwork because we had forgotten about it." At this, his face turned to one of complete surprise. He had not expected that much paperwork left for her!

"Marie," Tom said slowly, "you have _millennia's_ worth of paperwork to do?"

She nodded just as slowly. She could tell frustration was building inside him, and did not want it directed at her even though she knew there was no escaping it now. The humans surrounding them all backed away quickly, but were still within hearing distance (no one wanted to miss anything on this historic day, especially this gossip-worthy event).

"What are you angels up to in your free time?! Probably with your head in the clouds! I only have a few centuries worth of work left. We demons actually try to keep up with our jobs!" he said, frustrated beyond belief. Silly angels! Always goofing off! Sighing, he decided to help her finish it. Not because of the kindness in his heart, oh no, he just wanted to avoid being berated by Beelzebub again for letting his partner slack off. God, that demon could lecture for hours about anything! He shuddered. Never again. "I'll help you this one time, but after this, you're on your own." Marie looked happy enough to cry.

"Thank you, Tom, thank you so much! You're the best demon ever and my favourite and your awesome and amazing and-"

"Alright, I get the idea, birdbrain. Now, sit down and work." he calmly said, accepting his fate. He conjured a desk, two chairs, an inkwell, and a couple of quills for them to work with. He snapped his fingers, and a strange creature with bat-like wings appeared. It had one eye and two legs, no arms, and barely any body. It looked eternally grumpy. In its talons, it clutched several scrolls, each yellowed with antiquity and only held together through magic. Paperwork. Joy.

Having gathered up his courage (or curiosity, depending on how one looks at it), Lucius Malfoy stepped forward, into the shielded area toward the two scribbling beings. Angels? Demons? What in Merlin's name were they talking about? He'd heard a little about demons and some sort of rituals, maybe in association with the darker arts, but what were angels? And did they say millennia? Centuries? Even magicals couldn't possibly have been alive for that long. Were his Master and Marie not...human? Were they even of this earth? That thought made him shiver at its implications.

"My Lord," Lucius quietly said, "Will you please explain what you are speaking of? Many are confused, including myself." The blonde man was right next to the desk at that point, and his Master, having paused in his work to listen to his loyal follower, decided to indulge the mortal for a second. Already having guessed his next action, Marie paused as well to gauge the crowd's reaction. Would they believe it? Probably not. Either way, she had to get her paperwork done.

"Lucius, you have served me well for years, so I shall humor you. Marie and I are not human," Tom began, and knowing Lucius' train of thought, continued, "And no, we are not magical creatures either. We are otherworldly beings. We are immortal, and have been around since the dawn of creation. Marie is an angel from heaven above, and I a demon from hell below. We have been assigned as partners since day one, our tasks being to keep track of the lives and deaths of you mortals. That's where the paperwork comes in. For every life-altering event, we each have to fill out several forms about where the event occurred, who was involved, how it started, how it ended, who died, etc. And as of right now, we are-" he paused while mentally calculating the number, "exactly 5,637,583 years, 247 days, 13 hours, 45 minutes, and...53 seconds behind in paperwork."

Lucius gave him a flat look.

"Lucius, please understand that paperwork is very important in the upkeep of heaven and hell. And while angels have a very disorganized system of management, we demons have a very advanced filing system. We haven't lost track of a document in over a hundred years (unlike the angels, who lose a couple every week)." Tom clarified proudly. Marie looked at his expression and snickered. He really put too much pride in his filing cabinets down in hell's library. And the angels lost a form _every other_ week, so there. Not that she'd say anything that would cause him to stop helping her at the moment. She wasn't entirely stupid.

Still looking at his Master like he was crazy, Lucius mumbled, "...Alright, my Lord. Whatever you say must be true." And then he slowly backed away. His Lord was mental. Raging mad. Off the deep end. Completely bonkers. Marie just laughed her heart out as everyone quickly went to the edge of Hogwarts' wards to Disapparate away from them. Tom and she would just have to try to keep up the act longer the next time they were given a mortal assignment. Oh well, live and learn.

A/N: I mean no offense to alpaca farmers anywhere. It was just the first random thing my brain wanted to write, so yeah :P


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